Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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