u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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