Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
