ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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