You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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