he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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