I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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