Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
