I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
