it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
