she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
