We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
