at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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