Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
