It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
