i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
