I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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