I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
