Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
