Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
