i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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