brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
