so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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