Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
