I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
