It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
