don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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