Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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