Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
