bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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