I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
