If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
