i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
