Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
