Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
