I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
