the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
