It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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