You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
