i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
