I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
