hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
