my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
