he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
