I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
