At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
