Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
