My cat gives me a boner
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
