When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
