Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We just shotgunned beers for America
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
