this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
