Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Randomize
