You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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