I have demons in me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
